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Band 5.5

The diagram illustrates the multitude of steps and equipment involved into cement making, it also showcases how cement is used in concrete production for building purposes. Overall, there are several stages and tools which are used in this complex process. First of all, limestone and clay are crushed to get powder. Next, they are mixed before being put in a rotating heater. The mixture passes in a grinder to get thus the cement. This latter is put in bags to be stored and sold. In addition to this process, the figure highlights the method to manufacture another essential commodity in the building industry wish is concrete. Indeed, this material is composed from 15% of cement, 10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of gravel. The all is mixed thanks to an adapted mixer in order to get the final goods.

The diagram illustrates the multitude of steps and equipment involved into cement making, it also showcases how cement is used in concrete production for building purposes. Overall, there are several stages and tools which are used in this complex process. First of all, limestone and clay are crushed to get powder. Next, they are mixed before being put in a rotating heater. The mixture passes in a grinder to get thus the cement. This latter is put in bags to be stored and sold. In addition to this process, the figure highlights the method to manufacture another essential commodity in the building industry wish is concrete. Indeed, this material is composed from 15% of cement, 10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of gravel. The all is mixed thanks to an adapted mixer in order to get the final goods.
#multitude #steps #equipment #cement #showcases #production #purposes #stages #tools #process #first #limestone #clay #powder #heater #mixture #grinder #latter #bags #addition #figure #method #commodity #industry #water #sand #gravel #thanks #mixer #goods
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The diagram illustrates the multitude of steps and equipment involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
 making, it
also
Linking Words
 showcases how
cement
Use synonyms
 is used in concrete production for building purposes.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are several stages and tools which are used in
this
Linking Words
 complex process. First of all, limestone and clay are crushed to get powder.
Next,
Linking Words
they are mixed before being put in a rotating heater. The mixture passes in a grinder to get
thus
Linking Words
 the
cement
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 latter is put in bags to be stored and sold.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
 process, the figure highlights the method to manufacture another essential commodity in the building industry
wish
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 is concrete. Indeed,
this
Linking Words
 material is composed
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 15% of
cement
Use synonyms
, 10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of gravel. The all is mixed thanks to an adapted mixer in order to get the final goods.
Submitted by namoisma on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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