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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
#world #health #organization #people #five #portion #fruit #vegetables #bar #percentage #males #females #uk #age #group
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In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 presented bar chart
compare
Correct subject-verb agreement
compares
show examples
 data about the percentage of males and females consuming five or more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fruit
Fix the agreement mistake
fruits
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 and vegetables
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a day in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom during 2006.
overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
vast
Correct article usage
the vast
show examples
 majority of both
genger
Correct your spelling
genders
 were at
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
 between 55 to 64, and the teenagers had the lowest amount.
Also
Linking Words
, it
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 that the proportion of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 was the same at
age
Use synonyms
 75.
According to
Linking Words
bar
Add an article
a bar
the bar
show examples
 chart, between
age
Use synonyms
 35 to 54 for
men
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 roughly the same around 23%, in comparison with
women
Use synonyms
 at
age
Use synonyms
 35 to 44 was 25% and from
age
Use synonyms
 45 to 54 it increased around 32%.
Besides
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
 period from 25 to 34 for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 was 20% and for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 was 22%. It can be seen that between 55 and 65 both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 had the highest amount of
averger
Correct your spelling
averager
average
 by
age
Use synonyms
 group on both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
, for
men
Use synonyms
 was around 32% and for
women
Use synonyms
 34.5%. The second highest value was at
age
Use synonyms
 65 to 74, for
men
Use synonyms
 nearly 27% and
women
Use synonyms
 29.5%.
Submitted by daliaakram35 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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