IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Question You should spend on this task. The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

Question You should spend on this task. The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
the bar chart demonstrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 who consume
five
Use synonyms
 or more
portions
Use synonyms
 of fruits daily in the UK, grouped by
age
Use synonyms
 in 2006
accoding
Correct your spelling
according
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 recommendations of the
world health
Correct your spelling
World Health
show examples
orgnazaition
Correct your spelling
organization
.
overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
females
Use synonyms
 who eat
five
Use synonyms
portions
Use synonyms
 of fruit per day
excced
Correct your spelling
exceeded
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
males
Use synonyms
 in all of the
group
Use synonyms
 ages except the oldest
group
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
.
moreover
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
females
Use synonyms
 who consume
five
Use synonyms
portions
Use synonyms
 a day is equal. there is a steady rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 from the youngest
group
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 to the
age
Use synonyms
 35-44 in both
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
,
started
Change the form of the verb
starting
show examples
 at 15% at
aged
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 19-24
ending
Correct word choice
and ending
show examples
 up with approximately 23% at
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of 35-44 for
males
Use synonyms
, and 17% at the youngest
group
Use synonyms
 aged up to 25% for
females
Use synonyms
. after that, the rate stayed almost constant for both
females
Use synonyms
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
males
Use synonyms
 to the
age
Use synonyms
 of 45-54. the
group
Use synonyms
 whos ages between 55-64 are the best
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 following the world health
recommenations
Correct your spelling
recommendations
, with the
highst
Correct your spelling
highest
 point in the graph
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 rate reaching 33% and 35% for
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
respetively
Correct your spelling
respectively
. after
excceding
Correct your spelling
exceeding
 the
age
Use synonyms
 range the rate of consuming
five
Use synonyms
portions
Use synonyms
 a day started to decline
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 with
a rates
Correct the article-noun agreement
a rate
rates
show examples
 of 28% and 30% at
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
 range of 65-74 for
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
.
while
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the oldest
group
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 75 and older the rates
apeared
Correct your spelling
appeared
 to be equal for both genders at 25%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, males, females, five, portions, age, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: