IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table provides data on employment by sector of the economy and age group. The majority of workers aged 16-24 are employed in the service sector, followed by retail, while the construction and agriculture sectors have the lowest employment numbers in this age group. The service sector continues to be the largest employer for workers aged 25-34, followed by construction and retail. In the 35-44 age group, construction and retail have nearly equal employment numbers, followed by the service sector. For workers aged 45-54, construction and retail are again the largest employers, followed by the service sector. In the oldest age group, 55 and above, the service sector is the largest employer, followed by retail and construction. The data shows a clear pattern of the service sector being the largest employer across all age groups, with the exception of the 35-44 age group where construction and retail have nearly equal employment numbers. There is also a decrease in employment in the construction and agriculture sectors for younger age groups and an increase in these sectors for older workers. The table highlights the importance of the service sector in providing employment opportunities, as well as the fluctuations in the construction and retail sectors based on age groups.

The pie charts provided illustrate the change of energy produced by resources in
gas
Use synonyms
, coal, petrol, nuclear, and other
between
Check wording
forms between
show examples
 1995 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of petrol declined considerably over time,
while
Linking Words
 the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for coal and
gas
Use synonyms
 showed a smaller rise
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the percentage of nuclear and other increased noticeably.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, coal's proportion remained the largest over the
period
Use synonyms
. Looking at the pie charts more closely, one can see that the proportion of coal increased slightly by 1.13% to 30.93% in 2005.
Also
Linking Words
,
gas
Use synonyms
 accounted for 29.63% at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
, and increased slightly to 30.31%.
Also
Linking Words
, other and nuclear rose considerably by 4.2% and 3.7% in 2005 (9.1% and 10.10%). Coal,
gas
Use synonyms
, nuclear and other showed either a considerable increase or a slight rise over the
period
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, petrol dropped the most by about 10%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words gas, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "considerably" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age group
  • group
  • service
  • retail
  • construction
  • agriculture
  • employ
  • employed
  • employee
  • largest
  • smallest
  • highest
  • lowest
  • majority
  • part
  • share
  • rise
  • increase
  • grow
  • go up
  • fall
  • decrease
  • drop
  • go down
  • nearly equal
  • similar
  • pattern
  • trend
  • overall
  • data
  • figure
  • paraphrase
  • introduce
  • contrast
  • compare
  • in addition
  • however
  • while
  • although
  • as a result
  • tend
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